This is how we Rolllllllllll....

Well here we are... Headed hommeeeeee. I'm writing this with 9 hrs down and 21 hrs to go. I'm still deeply processing a lot of our trip, so I thought I'd bring you some humor while I organize my thoughts. 

Driving/walking (there really isn't a difference): 

I made the following meme to help set the mood...

Let's start with when Josiah got ran over by a moto.... Don't worry his foot is fine... We had a medical professional look at it...aka Nurse Lindsay. Fortunately, Cambodians drive like crazy people (FYI my driving skills are going to fit in great) so at least when it got ran over, they were going so fast, they soared accrossed it instead of crushing it. Besides a few tire marks, a few scrapes, and a broken toenail you'd never even guess his life flashed before his eyes. Way to take one for the team Josiah... A true leader, sacrificing his leg for the good of others... (But let's just say, luckily no one else followed his lead on this one...) 

Earlier that morning, Linds, Brittney, and I decided to go on a walk... We asked the lady at the front of the hotel where to cross the street aka where the crosswalk was. She replied with ...right there.... Pointing to the "four" lanes of traffic zooming by (more like 12... No one actually uses the lines). Ummmmm how appealing was that riverside view accross the street? Appealing enough that we found ourselves standing on the edge. A nice tuk tuk driver saw us doing the chicken bob...go now? No, now, no wait, now, no... and graciously parted the traffic for us.... All our feet made it successfully. Apparently the secret to getting across with only your foot run over, not your whole body, is to just walk at a moderate pace and the cars and motos and tuk tuks and mobile fruit stands just weave around you (unless you are Josiah, then they just run over your foot).... If you run... Then they say you die. Well we didn't die, so we must have figured out the "moderate pace." 

This picture doesn't do it justice, but this is where we crossed...

Then one time, we couldn't figure out why we could run across the street and not get hit, and why our driver, who is always early, was no where to be found. Apparently, the King heard we were in town and wanted to stay next door to us at his palace. He even invited the Prime Minster over. So thoughtful of him, but somehow our invite got lost in the mail. Hmmmm. And word on the street is (literal street haha) that when they come to town, it's like when the President is in town... They block off all the streets and no one can get through so they don't get shot or shanked. 

But it was ok because then we got to walk along the river and then ride in tuk tuks and buy 2 for $5 fake Ray Bans from a man out of a box hanging around his neck... Way better than popcorn, but not as cool as buying them out of his coat....  

Well, lots more still to post :) but here's a snipbit till then... :) 

Xx Prayyya pro de'em po (God bless you) 

Kat 

He never gives up on us.

Day 2:

We were all fast asleep by 730pm last night and up by 530am to take on a new day. 

We are right next door to a coffee shop... Randomly the best Americano I've ever had... But the sunrise might have been influencing that :) and the steepest stairs I've ever climbed... Insert photo here lol 

We ate breakfast and headed to church. Linds and I were just chatting about how we really do serve a universal God, we know that in theory, but don't truly know it, until we've fully experienced it. Standing in a room packed with people of all ages, singing in Khmer and us singing in English, will bring you to tears. To feel His presence radiate off those arounds you as they sing, with every ounce of themselves, praises to the one true God, is something that can't be described. We were thankful for the English subtitles and a translator, but had we not had them, we still would have felt at church, in worship, in God's presence. 

One of the songs said, "He doesn't give up on us." How beautiful is that truth? We are in a church with survivors of trafficking worshiping next to ex-pimps/ ex-traffickers. We are in a church with survivors of the Khmer Rouge. God doesn't ever give up on us. It is never too late, we've never done too much, or not enough. 

The pastor spoke about how much God hates sin and how much he loves holiness. He loves us so much, he cleanses us of our sin and fills us with His holiness, His righteousness. He spoke of Noah and how God distroyed the world, but saved Noah. It made me think- God could have started over, He could have wiped the whole earth clean and built a new Eden, but He didn't. He didn't give up on Humanity, he spared Noah and His family. We serve a beautiful and redeeming God. 

The Killing Feilds: Content below is going to be graphic and heavy, so read at your own risk. 

Some of my blog post hopefully make you laugh and brighten your day, but I hope they also open your eyes to the world that we don't see regularly... Or ever. I hope they provoke you to step back and think and value life and inspire you to participate in stoping injustice, no matter how small the contribution. 

Today we went to one of over 300 of the mass execution and grave sites from the Khmer Rouge era. The Khmer Rouge started in 1975 and fell just over 3 years later. 3 years doesn't seem like much, less than you need for a college degree or a high school diploma, but in those 3 years and 8 months, 1 in 4 Cambodians were killed in a mass genocide. In less that 48 hours of the Khmer Rouge had forced every person out of all the cities. Can you imagine New York City completely empty by force in 48 hours? Everyone was forced to their "home" village and forced to work in the Feilds. Pol Pot, the head of this communist party, demanded rice production be tripled immediately. Now, I don't know about you, but if I grew up in a city.... I wouldn't know the first thing about farming. So here these people were, with no training, no tools, forced into labor they didn't understand, from the early hours before dawn, until well into the night, with no food and no breaks. People were dying in Feilds, tied to plows. They were also separated from their families, men with men, women with women, children with children unless they were very young. That was for the lucky ones. 

As for those who were educated, spoke another language, wore glasses, or were trained in any modern vocation, they were executed. 

Overnight, Pol Pot took a culture back to the Stone Age. 

Obviously this was not a stable plan, so eventually people would steal rice (babies were dying because mothers couldn't even produce milk) or try to escape. They would be thrown in jail and forced to write false confession of fake crimes (being spies for the US etc.). Later, they'd be taken to the Killing Feilds and be executed. They would do it at night and blare revolution music, so that those living in the area wouldn't know that people were being executed. So much of this horrifying atrocity was done in secret. The rest of the world didn't even know if the rumors from the refugees that made it across the boarders were true. 

Here are some of the mottos of the Khmer Rouge: 

"We don't gain with them, and we aren't at a loss without them." 

"To kill the grass, you must destroy the roots." 

You could say the regime didn't have a high value on life. The first one is a major reason why so many were killed, the second is why all the members of their families were eventually killed as well. They said they had to kill them all so none would one day grow up and seek revenge. Sick. I know. 

As we walked through the grounds and saw the graves it's quite overwhelming. Most of the large bones were exhumed and put in a memorial 17 floors high, but they left the smaller ones because there wasn't enough room. So as the weather shifts the soil, more bones rise to the top and every few months they are collected by the care takers. As you walk on the path there are small signs and when you look close it says, please don't step on the bones. And as you look closely at the path you see bones rising up right below your feet. I can't fully discribe the feeling that overwhelms. It all becomes so tangible. 

The horrors just kept coming. The regime was poor, so they had no money to buy ammunition, so they had to execute everyone by torture. They used anything from axes to hoes to sharp edged vines. Women, men, children, babies, and an entire mass grave full of headless soldiers. Among the other graves, were 6 Americans and 3 Australians. 

Pol Pot was so paranoid, he killed millions by making them sign false confessions. He was never seen in public and ran his communist regime in as much secrecy as possible. He studied in Paris and while there, became part of the communist party. He drew on the Chinese for power and example. When he came back to Cambodia, ironically he was a history teacher for a few years before the revolution. 

Needless to say, Cambodia has had a very recent traumatic past. The USA didn't intervene, due to just finishing Vietnam and the USA not having a positive image with war among Americans. Eventually, Vietnam intervened and over threw Pol Pot. Through the 80s Cambodia struggled still and eventually the U.N. intervened and held the first public elections in history in the 90s. But even then, the candidates were flawed and from political parties with very selfish platforms. To this day the amount of corruption in the government is still great. 

But from the few I've met and the many I've observed, they are overcoming. They are making life turn as best they can. God never gave up on them. He is redeeming them. Their hurt, pain, PTSD, and the culture that has formed from such traumatic experiences. i.e. Trafficking. 

Tomorrow we will start our work at AIM, and see first hand how God has transformed the largest Red Light District in Phnom Penh. A street, that less than 10 years ago was lined with brothels (mainly child brothels), now is 100% rid of them. 

Sorry this is being posted so late. More to follow. Also, my spell check isn't working so.... Who knows what I actually typed lol 

Xx 

Kat 

I should always travel with a nurse... #freefood

We've officially made it to Taipei! 14 hour flight from LA and our kankles are ripening nicely. The rest of the crew is hunting down Starbucks and I'm manning the bags and charging the phones. 

You're probably thinking... Blog post already? You aren't even there yet, but we're the Swick's... We can't do anything conventional. Take flying for example... The cabin is all tucked in, lights off, I'm in the middle...and my feet don't touch the ground... Needless to say everyone, but me is passed out. And good thing, because Nurse Lindsay is dead to the world when the announcement comes. 

"Attention all passengers, we have a medical emergency, a passenger needs immediate medical attention, will all nurses and doctors reveal yourself." 

Me... Panic mode sets in (all I can think of is when Marine flew for Air France and a man died mid flight over the ocean). I whip around, shake the ball that is Lindsay awake (not an easy task... It took me screaming, "Lindsay they need a nurse, they need a nurse" at least 3x). I flag the attendants, Linds grabs her glasses, stands on her seat,  jumps over us, and is off down the aisle (insert proud sister moment here). Meanwhile in all my panic, I slammed my toe into the metal pole at my feet, adeline has now passed and all of a sudden, I get so light headed I pass out.... I didn't think I actually passed out, but Linds was only gone in my world for like 30 secs... In pretty sure it was at least 15. Nausea swept over and I kept taking deep breaths, I knew if I stood I'd puke and passout in someone's lap (all I could see was Niccole passing out and breaking her nose on the train last month...). I was sure I broke my toe, but my super sympathetic sister said, "You're fine, dork." 

Part of me wishes I'd stood up, because it would have made the best story for them to tell Lindsay, "I'm sorry, we need you back by your seat, there's another medical emergency."

Anyway, the lady was fine. Apparently when you don't drink water all day and then fly and then add in some red wine, you pass out. So nurse Lindsay took her blood pressure and diagnosed her and proscribed water and orange juice. She shaped up real quick. The doctor that eventually showed up, kept asking Lindsay what she thought and eventually said, "I think you got this, I'm going to go back to my seat." The flight attendants even asked for her business card... (We need to make her some for next time) Ok so they probably asked for liability reasons... But still. 

In return for her service we got a 1st class fruit tray and a bag of snacks.... The good kind. I made her share, since had it not been for me sacrificing my toe (that's still throbbing, but "not broken") and waking her up she wouldn't have been Hero Nurse of Eva Air. 

So needless to say, we thank you for choosing Eva Air, and hope you fly with us again soon... It's always entertaining. 

From Taipei, 

Kit Kat Toe (get it... Like tick tack toe?) 

Pulling out the rusty old blog for another Kat adventure...

It's midnight...and I've been packed for over 24 hours. This is a first. I almost can't go to bed because I keep thinking I should be panicking and pulling an all nighter... I have to be forgetting something? I'm Kat! But here I am... all ready to go. It's a good feeling, a calm. I sometimes find myself wishing my everyday life was spent this way; instead I'm always rushing and late. I think this is why people speak of finding rest in the Lord. Restful rest feels good. The rest where you don't have burdens or worry, because you're prepared. God is always prepared, so we always have the opportunity to find rest in Him...if we choose. My prayer for us as we embark to Cambodia is that our team walks in His restfulness. That we don't become consumed with the little things that make us lose sight of Joy, but that we seize every opportunity and our minds are at peace. Cambodia has had a very rough last 40 years. A lot of death, destruction, and trauma. I pray we process these events and are humble and sensitive toward a hurting people. At the end of the day we are all broken and hurting people in desperate need of the Gospel. We are broken people serving broken people. We may not have seen genocide, experienced extreme poverty, or been faced with selling our children so our families can eat, but we have our own list of trails and tribulations that define us. So, as we embark, please be praying for humble hearts, protected minds, selflessness, and that we will overflow with love and joy. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to blog, but I'll do my best to try to post something :) Love you all, and thank you to all who are supporting me- financially and through prayer. Blessing and love, Kat xx

Shalom

How do we let a moment control us, ruin our day, change our mindset, etc? Today I was asked to give my testimony at bible study. Of course it was the day we started late and had two chapters to cover instead of one. We all know I can't say anything concise, especially when it is something deeply personal. So my testimony was probably 15 mins long and right before I finished I said, "Sorry this is so long, I promise I'm almost done." More as a side note than as an apology. And one lady in a serious voice said, "Yes I'm going to cut you off if you don't finish now, we do have a study to do today." I had about two more lines to say and my life verse. I had to choke through them, because my stomach was in knots and I felt so sick and couldn't keep the tears in. Maybe I'm PMSing, but all I wanted to do was get out of there and cry and never go back. I sat silent through the rest of the study as the same lady spoke for 20 mins on Neiamiah (Ch.7...its mainly just a list of descendants) and through the five minutes of chapter 8. It was stated multiple times over and over, "well since we don't have much time..."

I was consumed by this sickness, I didn't listen to a word that was said. All I could think of was, when did a time table become more important than a person? I had just poured my heart out to these people I don't even know, and I felt the largest feeling of rejection I've ever felt. I wonder how Christ felt when the pharisees rejected him, the son of God. I can't even imagine. I can barely take rejection from a few old ladies in my bible study, how did he take it from the leaders of the law that His father/ he had written. Fully God, fully man: is how I guess. He felt what I felt I'm sure, he was human, but he was God as well, so He didn't let it define Him.

I know it was wrong that I went too long on my testimony, I didn't realize till it was too late. But why would someone ever feel it was ok to treat me this way? But the main question is, why did I let that person define the rest of my day instead of God? Why did I want to crawl in my bed instead of go on the walk I had planned? Why instead of reading my bible and asking God for comfort, did I just want to call my mom? Why could I only think of the things they did wrong and not admit I had wronged them?

I know the "right" answer, "God needs to be our security, not the opinions and actions of others." But is that possible as a human? To disregard our human feelings? Shalom means wholeness with God, peace with God. My heart yearns for Shalom, Yahweh. One day we get to stand in eternity and all of our insecurity is only a memory, not a feeling that can consume, that can ruin our day. We will stand in God's presence and our security will be so strongly felt, insecurity will no longer have a meaning. I just have to keep reminding myself that. At the service before we broke into our groups, we listened to Phill Whickham's song Devine Romance. It says:

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

That last line was all I could think about as I drove home. It was the only thing that calmed me.

So, Shalom. May you yearn as well for wholeness with God. One day He is coming. Seriously, Oh Glorious day. One day our spirits will be completely satisfied.

Shalom.

The end is near...

I'm sitting at our debrief location on a little Island off the gulf. It is incredible. We are staying right on the beach and it is BEAUTIFUL. I am listening to the waves crash and looking at a perfectly empty beach. How can someone not believe in God and look at the ocean? Such power and beauty. It's breath taking and was made with such precision and care. Mmmmm I want to stay forever!

Sadly, in almost 24hrs exactly we will be boarding a plane and bound for the US. Wow. How did that happen? 2 months down and a life time to go. In 2 short months God has flipped everything I've know upside down. My prayer is that when I return I don't just push away what God has shown me, but instead I propel into a life of change. A life of living for others, of not being consumed by the world and possession; a life of obedience. This life is temporary, but Heaven is eternal. At the last ministry we were at Brynn and I lead a study by John Ortberg called "It all goes Back in the Box". This was his main point and he used the example of going to a hotel. You don't go stay at a hotel and decorate it, hanging all your art work and family photos on the walls. (Motel 6 has their own lovely art work picked out to coordinate with your bedspread). You wouldn't spend your own time and money decorating it. Why? Because you know it is temporary. Just like this life. Everything is temporary. Everything, except people. So why spend your time on things that are temporary, when you can spend it loving people and making disciples as God asks? We need to turn off the TV, the internet, our phones, etc. for a bit and spend sometime with people. These last few months I haven't checked my phone once...ok so its half way across the world...I've used the internet maybe once or twice a week, and I've watched almost no TV (minus the Thai dramas playing in every restaurant and watching Harry Potter with the girls at Abba house lol :) ). I've found I have formed some of the closest relationship in such a short time. Why? Because my distractions are limited...and we all know how distracted I can get. :) I know coming home I will be thrown back into life in the US, but I hope I remember how beautiful these last two months spent loving people constantly have been. I've grown, changed, and experienced so much joy. So please pray as I adjust back into life back home. Pray I adjust well but don't forget what God has changed and revealed to me.

I've found a family in our team, a home in another culture, and a God greater than I ever realized. It has been an incredible adventure. I want to say thank you to all my supporters whether it was financially or through prayer. You all are the reason I am here. You all are the reason someone felt God's love for the first time or someone was encouraged and loved and served. And you all are the reason God has opened my heart and eyes to so much of the world I didn't know existed. God provided for His children, thank you for being part of that provision for me. I hope one day I can serve and bless you as well.

I plan to keep blogging about my THailand adventures when I get back since so much has been left out. So keep your eyes open for some fun stories of trips to a Thai ER, night bus madness, a potential musical performance, and much more! :)

Oh and a quick shout out to my Dad the Hero...once again...We've used all the Aloe and Sunscreen you bought me “just incase” in the last day and 1/2! Life savers... My next blog was going to be titled “Anut Karen is Right” b/c I didn't even have a tan line after 2 months...but I think I might have gone a little darker than off white after the last 2 days!! I might prove her wrong yet...I might actually be able to get tan...) it might just be in weird splotches all over my body from the salt water washing of weird bits of sunscreen, but I'm not picky its color! :)

Love from Thailand one last time,
Good night and Swadee Kha!

KL

The ants came marching one by one...smash...there is no time for hurray.

OK so this is part one of about 10 blogs...So sorry it's been so long. We only have one computer between all of us now that we are at Abba House and our days are so full and I spend most of my breaks sleeping. Speaking of sleeping...I've never slept this much in my life (and you all thought it was bad when I fell asleep during staff meetings and prayer...), every second I get a break I just want to sleep. I'm blaming the heat...and the ants. They stress me out 24/7. At Abba house they are everywhere!!! Speaking of ants...5 just arrogantly walked across my pillow. What nerve. Everyday I have to pray for grace and mercy on them so I don't just crush them and plot to sweep them off the second floor. So I've moved from Mosquitoes to ants... I'm not even going to talk about the swarm of fire ants I rescued the trashcan from...

Anyway... This post is going to be a recap of our time at Lighthouse. Wow. I don't even know where to start. We lived at Lighthouse for 4 lovely weeks. We made amazing friends with the World Race team and I might even have a business partner out of it. :) We finally got to meet P'Emmi, the woman who founded Lighthouse. She got back from visiting the states the day before we left so we got to here her story which is incredible. She is from a hill tribe, her parents died, and then her family disowned her b/c they thought she was cursed and the reason for her mother's death. So she lived with her a different grandfather, but he hurt himself badly and couldn't take care of her so he brought her to a Christian orphanage. Meanwhile, her other family sold her to one of the pimps that come from the city to the tribes. When he came to collect and she wasn't there (and the family had already spent the money) he came looking for her. The orphanage was able to raise the money to pay him back and she was able to stay. She went to college and started making a lot of bad choices, her mother from the orphanage came and sat her down and told her straight to her face, "If you continue running from God and living your life this way, you will end up in Hell." I was like wow that was harsh, but she said because it came from the one person that had cared about her, the one person that had loved her all these years, she knew it was because she loved her and she knew it was true. So she decided to turn her life around. She got a scholarship to come to the US, and when she came back she felt called to start this ministry and the coffee shop Wongen. She is soooo incredible and hilarious. But what I love most about her and her testimony is that she gives God the glory for all of it.

So we were able to be a small part of her story and Lighthouses future. :) Now I want you to meet my friend Hong. Hong is 29 years old and works at Kat's Bar (haha I was right at home). She is half Chinese and half Thai. She speaks both languages fluently, and is so much fun. I first got connected with Hong one night at the bar when we were playing pool with some of the other girls. She told me I had a "baby face" (patted it) and then told me I had the voice to match. LOL One thing I learned from Hong is honesty. The next week she told Brynn that she looked like a boy and asked if she had showered. (Ps. Brynn smelled fine.) One thing you learn really quick about Thai culture is never to be offended. They tell you you are fat one second and the next thing out of their mouth is that they love you.

One night we decided to bring art supplies to the bar and we sat down outside the bar at a table and asked if anyone would like to paint. Hong sat down with a few others and began to paint. It turns out that she is incredibly talented. We came back early the next night before customers got there and painted again. She came running in holding sketches for us to paint. We were able to paint and talk. She asked us what we thought of all the American men that came and about the ones that were 60, 70, 80. We told her it made us sad and asked her what she thought. She said she thinks it is really sad, and most of the older ones just want companionship, someone just to talk to and pay attention to them. It was so sad. I wanted to cry.

The next night we showed up to paint, but her boss said that we couldn't (it was distracting her from the customers). It turned out to be a huge blessing because she suggested we meet up in the afternoon. So Brynn, Rachel, Boy, and I met her at Burger King. We painted and she did our make up (remember how she called Brynn a boy...she thought this was much better...I'll post pictures soon). You know how some make up looks better depending on eye shape, skin color etc. For example, Estrella can wear bright colors on her eyes and she looks incredible...but then you transfer that to me...well let's just say the boys would be starring alright... Well the same goes for Asian makeup. By the end we had eyeliner to our ears and caterpillars for eye brows and fabulous red lips. Hong looked fabulous, but let me tell you we were a bunch of lookers. Let's just say the look didn't transfer quite as well...but we sure had a fun Burger King photo shoot. The next day she invited us to get the look ourselves and took us makeup shopping and to the market. It was really fun and she kept just putting everything we could imagine in our hands saying, "This is good, This is good." It was so hilarious and awesome.

The next night we met her to go to the mall and shopping. We had to have a team meeting before we left (some issues that needed to be dealt with came up). So we were 2 hours late. I was disappointed we were so late, but the meeting was really good and brought us together as a team and was so impacting in our functioning as a team. Unfortunately that doesn't translate well when you are the one waiting for 2 hours and can't figure out were we are...Hong was a bit annoyed (remember she likes to point things out lol) and only got to eat with us before she had to leave to go get ready for work, but she had brought Fon another friend from the bar, so we got to hang out with her and watch the movie. Then Fon took us shopping (don't worry I only bought two pairs of shoes for under $10 put together). Fon is really really sweet and we had a lot of fun with her. She also came to the market with us the day before. Her English is really good and she is so sweet and generous.

That night was our last night at the bars. I walked in and the first thing Hong does is poke me under the eyes and says, you need to go to sleep (I told you it wasn't just me!), go home. She is sooo funny. We stayed for about two hours and every time she walked by she poked me in the eyes and told me to go home..."you need sleep." And then would show anyone near the bags under my eyes lol.

Brynn and I for the first time weren't having a great night conversation wise, so we decided to pray. Wow it was so humbling. Julie and Boy went and prayer walked as well. Someone famous said, "Prayer is not preparation for the greater work, prayer is the greater work." It is so true...thank you famous, wise man. Everyone else started having amazing conversations and the evening turned out to be one of the best. It was so hard to leave. These women have become my friends. They have taught me a lot about life and joy. I'll miss them dearly. I hope God has plans for our paths to cross again. I keep finding business possibilities. Hong speaks Chinese and if her English improves she would be great working with manufactures and she is a beautiful artist and could work in design. Plus she's a go-getter. Nothing holds her back, and she is not afraid to be blunt. :) Jeremiah 29 has been a huge theme while over here. I know God has great plans for their lives. I hope one day they will get to know Jesus better and surrender their lives to him.

Well we will see what God has in store with these relationships. I hope to one day see the fruit, but if not I know there will be a harvest. We got to love on so many girls. Every night they would tell us we were different, that we weren't the same as the rest. They saw Christ in us. We got to love them and not ask for anything in return. It was truly a life changing experience. My views changed on people. Anyone can be your friend. I now hate the word prostitute. All it leaves you with is a profession and takes all your humanity. These women are warm, loving, and full of joy. They have hopes and dreams. Most are just tying to support their families. Some are doing it so their siblings can go to school and not have to end up in the bars. No one has any right to look down at them. Yes what they are doing isn't right, but they are just trying to survive. They make anywhere from 2,000 baht to 10,000 a week. Minimum wage is like 1,000 baht a week. This is why it is so appealing.

Everyone needs the Gospel. These women, but even those closest to you that you don't want to offend. If I could love these girls in the bars with Christ's love and bring them his gospel, than why can't I do the same in my life back in the states? We all need Jesus. What are you going to say when we stand before God and they turn around and ask, "Why didn't you tell me?" "Why didn't you try harder?" Jesus died and then came back with a message (I'm guessing it's important if he came all the way back from the dead to tell us :) ), He said go and make disciples of every nation. Every nation. That includes our work, our family, but also Africa, Russia, Europe...every nation. This is what God has been teaching me over here :). I'm reading Radical by David Platt. It is so good...but will mess you up and convict you. So read it but prepare yourself for craziness!! :)

OK here is an opportunity for those that want to make a difference in the bars. A girl from the world race team, met a few girls that want rescued out. Here is the final part of the 7 part blog that tells about the story. It is incredible! We prayed for a harvest and here is way! http://emilytuttle.theworldrace.org/?filename=help-wanted-maes-story-part-4 But As you will read, these girls are here illegally, and will need housing and a job. So lighthouse needs to raise $2,000 immediately to make them legal and provide for them...in less than a week. And continually funding for their futures. So if you can give, please do. Give up your Starbucks for the day. :) This will be able to put them in recovery and into a discipleship program and give them a new life!!! Hopefully this is just 2 of many to come. :) I hope you read the story from the beginning. It's powerful. And I hope you can give. Thank you friends! God blesses us so we can bless others :). xx

Well I'm off to teach English! Yes they let me teach people to spell... scary. They also gave me a pulpit...that will come in the next post :) hahaha

Lots of love!
KL

Then the bugs came...

If you know me you know I don't do bugs. If a stink bug comes within 10ft of me I am immediately immobilized. Well let me tell you about the last 24hrs. OK so its 12:30am and we find out from the other team that McDanald's delivers...You have to realize that all we do is sweat out salt and never eat it, so naturally the sound of horribly salted french fries was like crack to an addict. We get them and I'm just sitting there not trying to taste the staleness (b/c the driver got lost and we don't speak Thai and our address is in Thai...you can't "sound out" Thai...its symbols), but instead relish the first american fattiness I have tasted in weeks. At some point I must have dropped a drop of plum sauce (they don't carry honey) on the arm of the chair. I put my arm down and when I brought it up I scratched my forearm. I realized I missed getting the rest of my paint off my arm from face painting earlier. OH wait, nope, gotcha...not paint, MINIATURE ANTS!!!!! I put my arm in a colony of ants that had come to the plum sauce...it wasn't paint in my nails, but squished ants!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG OMG OMG....I had an entire nation of ants all over my arms and in my nails and about 10% were still living and crawling around!! then I look down and the arm rest is just covered in Ants!!!. And this is why we aren't allowed to eat inside...now I follow that rule. I thought it was the most horrifying moment of my life until....

We are getting ready to leave to go to dinner and Boy (my newest BFF and our translator) motions me over to show me something. He says, "Look, I killed a scorpion." In case you didn't read that last word right, let me repeat it...a SCORPION!!! I asked him where he found it and he said in our shoes! There was a scorpion in our shoes! (Let's just say I quadruple check when I put shoes on now.) He said he coaxed it out and away from them and then took his flip flop and smashed it and then stepped on it (just to make sure). OK When I say flip flop, I mean $2 Old Navy Flip Flops (but Thai version, bc I don't think they have old Navy here). And they weren't new sturdy ones, nope, they were about July ones...you know when they are perfectly broken in and in a few weeks rocks will split through... All I can say is, is that boy is brave (no pun intended). Did I mention it was the size of my hand? So it would have fit nicely in one of my shoes.

Ok so a few minutes later after all the scorpion drama has died down, we finally leave. We are 10ft out of the gate when someone throws out there hand to stop us. There are GIANT snails in the middle of the road. GIANT...the size of a small apple. Just chilling in our driveway. Eating a piece of corn (who knew snails liked to hang out with corn on the cob?). Julie touched the shell of one and we got to watch it sneak back inside.

OK so after all the snail drama has calmed down, we continue off to our favorite restaurant for dinner. (They know us so well, that they now always have a table set up for us with extra stools). We get to the restaurant and Brynn options for the stool. I grabbed her arm and said don't sit! There was the biggest Daddy Long Leg I have ever seen, just sitting on her seat like he owned the place. Of course we are girls so we freaked out and the owner came over and brushed it off and laughed "with" us. It was pretty funny, but seriously its legs were at least three inches long fully extended.

Then we went on a prayer walk around the bars and no joke about 10 cockroaches ran across my path. Not to mention the one we found in our room the week before that hid in Brynn's suitcase. Don't worry we have video of Noah killing it.

Gecko's don't really count as bugs per-say (no clue how to spell that) but there are at least 10 who find their home in our house and in our bathroom. At the end of our prayer walk Rachel was trying to catch a baby gecko (she is determined to catch one before we leave Thailand). Noah and I walked up behind her and I said, " Rachel. I wouldn't reach any higher..." There was a giant butted spider (probably deadly) inches from her hand. She did a freak out dance and ran away. Wehoo 2 saves from spiders in one night, I'm worn out.

OK that's all the bug drama for now. I'll try to write more ministry based stuff soon. It's hard to put it all in words, b/c I can't really explain it all/ haven't processed all we are doing. When we are in the slums it seems so normal and natural to play with the kids and laugh with the moms. At the bars it just seems natural to paint watercolor pictures and joke and play pool with prostitutes. God has taught me to not be afraid. They are all his children and all people. They are funny and sweet. I was so afraid they wouldn't want to be my friend or talk to me, but God has changed my views entirely. It is wonderful. So to write about them as ministry is hard, because they just seem like my friends. I think it will hit me really hard when we are back home, and all of a sudden all the poverty isn't the norm anymore. Until then I'll tell you what I can!

Love you all! I need to go night night b/c I'm leading devotion in 7 hours :(. Feel free to leave comments. I love reading them and it helps me not miss home as much :)

xx
Lil Bug whisperer.

P.S. a gecko just ran across the wall I'm sitting in front of. OH and I've eaten more rice in the last three weeks than in my entire life combined. Oh and I forgot...The count is in...I have 34 mosquitoe love bites on my left leg and 41 on my right...and that's only from the knee down. They ate me through my clothes!!! OK good night for real this time.

Invasion!

We've been invaded!!! Our cute little chateau has been invaded by 13 other people!! OK so that sounds a little dramatic, but it was our cute little home and we were becoming a cute little family. Mamma Noah and Momma Julie (Noah prefers momma over poppa...we aren't exactly sure why...but considering he let me paint his big toe orange with a teal N on it and he wears Kara's necklace around...it fits him now) and Uncle Boy and then all their little chick-lets. Actually they seem really neat, maybe they will become our extended family. They are on some world race ministry thing, 11 countries in 11 months. Crazy! They all seem really awesome and will be a great addition to our ministry. :)

Anyway. So today was our first official day off...so natural we played with Tigers and did cartwheels in the rain. I'd say it was quite a successful one. We went to Tiger Kingdom in the morning; it was awesome, but I'm morally conflicted. One part is saying awesome I just took a cat/kat nap with tigers and the other is saying I just paid money (aka funded the continuing of) letting people keep tigers in cages and hit them with sticks. I'm pretty sure the big ones were either drugged or all the life and joy had been sucked out of them. The baby ones still had their innocence though... But I did whisper encouragement in their ears and got some really great pictures with them. At one point one of the babies was crawling up me eating my hand while another one was trying to eat its tail but mistook my foot for its tail...a slight ouch but very funny :)

Then we went and ate lunch with our Taxi driver Ping Pong...he is so funny! He drives us around everyday and is amazing. Julie and him are best friends...he's a joker so they bond very well. Then we came home and took a much needed nap. We now have air conditioning...except we couldn't figure out how to work it...who knew 30 degrees C was like 86 F...woops my bad, no wonder it was blowing hot air and we were sweating even more than normal (which I didn't know it was possible for anymore sweat to come out my pores). Then we headed to church. It's called The Light, and meets at the Wongen Kafe that we hang out at. It was really good and this week we split up into small group for the sermon section and we got to do an English one so we actually understood the message which was nice. Then we headed home and were going to get dinner and hit up the night market.

On the way to market a man on a bike rode up and started talking to me. He offered me food and jumped off his bike. A little sketch but randomly turned out to be super awesome. Julie and him started singing the Eagles and then he sang us a song he wrote. It was really good, he's a musician but doesn't have a guitar at the moment so he can't get a job. Julie asked if we could pray for him and he said yes please :) We invited him to dinner, but he declined. We then ran into him later and he asked us when the rapture was coming. lol It was hilarious.

We had to skip the market and just do dinner b/c it started raining...and when it rains it pours. Julie went and bought us all ponchos. By the time we got home the road was almost flooded to our knees. So naturally we went and put on shorts and t-shirts and went and played in the street. Brynn, Rachel, Kara, and I had the entire neighborhood out to watch us. I'm sure they were all thinking, "Who are those crazy white girls doing cartwheels in a foot of water? Haven't they ever seen rain before? And don't they know that the goal is to not get wet?" We actually made a guy fall over on his moped...it was soooo funny. He stopped and turned back to look at us and then fell over. He probably thought we were girls gone wild, not little missionaries...just kidding...don't worry we were wearing black shirts not white t-shirts... ;) We came home with all sorts of new species growing on us I'm sure. Don't worry we showered and disinfected.

OK here is the general update...I'm being eaten alive. One day Brynn is the victim of all things bugs and the next thing I know they discover my feet. OMG I have sooooooo many bites all over my heels, the side of my feet, my ankles...the latest...right smack in the middle of my bum and one in my armpit...really mosquitoes? really? Awkward get out of there.

The bars are good. We are making lots of friends. Sadly our English lessons aren't going as well as planned...no one has yet to show up. But we aren't getting discouraged, God has opened some other doors and we've been able to make a lot of friends on campus as well because of it. What we are realizing is that some times tasks that seem the least of importance, God is using the most. The other day we handed out flyers on campus for the cafe and the entire time we kept complaining saying this is so pointless. Then we get back to the cafe and a ton of students we had given a flyer to were there and want to come to English class...weird right?! God is so good :) This reminds me of a line of Sr. Custodian's opening duties from Job's daughters "It teaches that the smallest task deserves the same attention as one of more importance and should be promptly and cheerfully performed." So true and very humbling.

We are having soooo much fun and love Thailand! We are teaching Boy lots of important phrases such as: the song: "Neaner neaner neaner, I speak Thai and you don't.", the phrase: "You are a tool.", how to make the doi doi noise with your hand against your mouth and saying girl over and over (we call it his "call"), and lots of other high class sayings. My favorite is making him do news reports about our trip. He wants to be a reporter so I give him a mic and make him be from the BBC. Its great fun. Don't worry we don't torture him or anything...

OK more later...I'm off to bed. Oh one more thing. We did face painting in the slums the other day...SO MUCH FUN! I loved it. I will say though I've never painted so many Winnie the Poohs in my life, and I'm not sure Brynn so many flowers. Rachel's was the best...she got requested by a 3 yr old to paint a watch on her wrist. Julie got painted by a 3 year old...she had tattoo sleeves of pre-school art down her arms by the end. It was hilarious. Kara and Sam were the photographers and everyone one else spectators. It was quite a lot of fun...till we started getting eaten alive that was. :) Those mosquitoes are cra cra.

Ok Miss you all! Yesterday I got a little bit homesick...I miss hearing my family's voice whenever I want...
But here are some of those pics!

Love and miss you! xx
KL

The Ministry Begins...

OK Day two of Ministry. Wow God has been so generous and gracious to us these last two days. Yesterday was our official first day of "ministry work". We went to the Slums that are behind where we live and walked around and said hi to people. It was fascinating. I was talking to Boy, our translator who is from Chiang Mai, and he said he didn't know Chiang Mai had slums (he said he only thought they were in Bangkok). So yesterday was his first day in them too. I thought that was really interesting and a really neat experience for him as well as for us. If you are my parents you are probably thinking, WHAT?! you walked around the slums, is that safe? But actually I felt really safe and comfortable. It's not like walking around in the "ghetto" in the US. It is a completely different dynamic. Within each little area there is a Village. They all live as a family. They are truly living in community. It was beautiful. The kids were playing on the dirt road and a few road bikes. Their parents sat in the doorway watching them as they worked. Some preparing food, some sewing, some just sitting enjoying. Everyone seemed so peaceful and happy. Everyone says hi (well Swatdee kha) and gives you the "y" (Hands in a prayer position and a slight bow). They were in such poverty but so happy and kind. One thing about Thailand I've found that is very unique is that everything is very open. Most of their houses had rolling gates similar to store fronts you'd see in a city. That was their door. So their entire living room was on display. Not every house but quite a few. One thing I love about Thailand is they work off the Honor system. In Bangkok no one even locked up their bike! They are a very trusting culture. Something I think we could all learn and bring home :).

After our walk we ate dinner and went home to change. At 8pm we headed to the bars. Also know as the red light district. Scary right? But no it was the same thing. Everyone was so sweet and nice. It felt so safe. Before we left we all went off and prayed. Brynn and I sat on our bed and prayed and then prayed Psalm 91, which is a prayer of protection http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2091&version=NLT (click here to read). God was so faithful and his protection was so evident. I really saw why the power of grounding ourselves in prayer was so important. We split up into groups of 2-3 and each picked a bar. What you have to understand is that probably 95% of the girls in the bars are prostitutes. So Brynn and I prayed and asked the holy spirit to direct us to a bar. We walked into "Kooky Bar" and ordered a RedBull. Two girls that didn't look a day over 16 greeted us; their names were Mae and Mean Mean (everyone in Thailand goes by nicknames, not their real names). Their english was very limited but they invited us to play Jenga. We played and laughed for about an hour but then they were asked to go somewhere so they left and we played with Pancake a boy that was working there as well. As we played a little boy came up and poked me in the back and then hid behind a chair. He was selling flowers and I realized we had met him in the slums earlier that day. He went up and started playing with the knocked over Jenga blocks. He was probably 7 or 8, but I was enamored by his precision and artistic ability as he stacked the blocks in patterns. Then he put them together and played Jenga (he didn't want us to help). He placed each block in perfect precision on top. I was speechless. I wanted to bring him home and send him to art or architecture classes. He was soooo talented, but in reality will probably never see college or hold a paint brush. It broke my heart.

We then walked and met up with some others in the group. Noke (who is the caretaker where we are staying and part of the Light House ministry) introduced us to some of her friends that she had met on previous trips to the bars. The bar was called "Kat's Bar" a bit ironic. Especially since I taught them to play tick-tack-toe and we had a Cat's game with Kat at the Kat bar...lol We sat and talked and laughed with them for hours. They had been given English lessons with teams before us. They asked if we would continue and teach them during the week. One of the girls informed me that it was her last week of working at the bar and that she was going to start working at Wongen Kafe (the cafe the ministry we are working with works with). It was so incredible to see how those that went before us had really made an impact in a place where there seemed no room for Hope. We got to see the fruit of a seed that was planted, but Christ harvested. That is one less girl having to sell her body to support her family.

I think what struck me the most was their ability to bring so much joy to the conversation. When we left I felt like we were already friends. I couldn't see these girls as prostitutes. God crushed my former thoughts of these women. I realized these were God's children and even though they were probably so broken inside they still were overflowing with joy, His joy. Psalm 30:5 says "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." There is no way anyone that experiences what they do should be able to continue to be so joyful in life. I had envisioned these girls that were numb and scared, but they were laughing and so excited to talk with us. God is so much greater than I give Him credit. He continues to shine His joyful light into their darkness.

We will go back to night. I ask for your prayers as we do. Pray for these women, pray for us, and pray for the men. Pray for our hearts toward these men, that we can remember that God has extended the same Grace to them as he has us. We are all covered by the same savior and by the same love. It is so hard not to look at these men in disgust, and instead with compassion. An older gentleman, 72 to be exact, sat with us while we spoke with these girls. He had kids and was from France. He sat with his hands on a beautiful and incredibly sweet Thai girl, we knew his intensions and so did she. Everything in me wanted to tell him to go home and ask him if his kids knew where he was. I was so frustrated. He wasn't the only one. We met others, saw others. It was heartbreaking, but I know God is greater than all of this. Please continue to pray.

On a lighter note, today we hung out on campus and met a ton of Thai students. It was SO fun. I now have Thai friends on facebook!!! I'm hoping we will continue to get to hang out and speak truth in their lives while serving them.

I'll tell you more later, but I have team Dev-o time (devotional) so we can prepare for tonight. Love you all!

xx Kat

My mullet curls and my food comes on Leaves...

Sawatdee kha! (hello)

Well. I'm in Thailand. Who would have thought. I'm trying to learn less is more so this is an attempt at a summary...let's see if it happens.

Things you should know:

1. Squat-tay Pot-tay...aka toilet on ground with feet marks on each side that you squat over. Did I mention Thai's don't use toilet paper? So I've been fortunate to have had a large enough bladder to hold it till we get home to the western toilet that lives in our room, so I've refused to use one yet...but I'm sure my luck will run out soon enough. But don't think I'm safe yet...you can't flush toilet paper...even in our precious western toilet. So there is this nice little waste basket that lives next to it and yes we put it in there....SO GROSS. But its ok.

2. Miniature Ants...Everywhere!!! Yesterday we were laying on our beds talking and all of a sudden I look down and see that the corner of my bed and half my pillow are covered in Ants. OMG I almost died! But PTL for wet wipes...

3. Food. We go to the market and eat every meal. Its awesome! Imagine cooking an awesome meal at home...then imagine showing up at a stand and having the same meal for less than a $1 and no clean up. Yes sometimes you're not sure you are eating chicken, but other than that its great. Yesterday I ate noodles for breakfast and they came wrapped in a leaf. Last night I ate something off a stick that was supposedly chicken but from the size of the spine, ribs and what I swear was a full wing, I'm guessing bat. We saw a Thai Chicken in a pen on our walk yesterday and they are really skinny...but really tall, so there is not way that was chicken. Other suggestions from the team were Rat, Hamster, and dog.

4. Dogs and cats. You know how we have foxes that run around or mice? They have dogs and cats. Wild cats! Millie and Calli would never be able to tough it here. Cats literally just wonder through the market and dogs are just chillin' on the side of a road. The only "pet" I saw was a pig chained up and I was informed that it wasn't probably a pet. I chose to ignore that its leash chain was connected to the side of a restaurant. So for my sanity and the innocence of heart I am saying pet.

4. Markets...why don't we have these? You can get a pile of cooked duck heads (don't worry when they serve you it they cut it up and throw out the beak) or you can go for the pig leg with all the shin and hoof attached or some live eels or roasted insects or my favorite tiny hot peppers (see ssection labled peppers below). Right next to all of this in the next tent are some of the cutest clothes I've ever seen (don't worry mom they only come in a size zero (so I can't buy them)...remember I'm in Asia. Seriously everyone is so tiny). But what I could buy was a Cath Kidston purse!!! Yes that's right. I kept seeing them everywhere and then I found it! So instead of $110 I got it for $25. It was a beautiful day. And very practical...I needed a day bag that went across my body ok? It just happens to be my favorite designer and floral.

5. Transportation. So we get picked up from the airport (ps the coolest building ever...how is that in a 3rd world country?) in a covered truck...aka a truck with a bench on each side, a roof, and a gate across the back. Don't worry of course there were no seat belts and it was all open on the sides. It reminded me of a ghetto version of the tram we took at universal studios. We got taken to the night bus in this too...in rush hour for 2 hours...I'm not sure how we didn't die from the fumes. So the buses we road around town? No one talks! Seriously. It is rude to talk on a bus! And we had like an hour ride to the train to take us to the temples. We got shushed a lot by our tour guide. Thank goodness Thai's have a lot of grace for "farangs" aka foreigners. We rode a boat too. The water is Brown. Brown. This is probably why we can't drink any water from the tap. Its crazy most of the people that live on the water are in extreme poverty. Like metal scrap houses. So different from the US. To drive from Bangkok to Chiang Mai we took a 10 hr night bus. Let me tell you something, the Thai's know how to make a bus. Seats that recline fully, have a pop up foot rest and come with pillow and blanket provided. It is so strange, I'm in a third world country with extreme poverty and extreme luxury.

6. Rain...You think you know rain until you come to Thailand during their rainy season. Flash flood has an entire new meaning. Rain drops so big that in less that 5 mins you are wading through the streets up to your mid-calf. The adorable little floral raincoat from Target is not totally waterproof I found out. Better than nothing but...i was still soaked. Dad that plastic rain suit...GOLD here. The first time it rained we were on a prayer walk going to a bunch of the Buddhist temples in Bangkok. The second was Yesterday in Chiang Mia. Our dirt road to our house was flooded and we had to wade through it to go get dinner. The streets were so flooded that when cars drive by you can only seen half of their tires and I have no idea how all the motorbikes drive in it.

7.(which should be #1) Heat. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG it is sooooo hot and humid here. Everything sticks to you all the time. My hair is so curly and with my horrible hair cut I got...it looks like a mullet. I change clothes probably 4x a day and shower at least 5x. I know...you are all so proud. I have never felt so gross in my life. And guess what? Culturally they don't wear shorts above their knee or tank tops!!! 99% of everyone I've seen has been wearing jeans and 60% of those are SKINNY JEANS...can you imagine? And girls were wearing cardigans. And they weren't sweating...so weird. I'm intrigued. But my SPF 50 is doing its job. I don't even have a tan line (side note...they sell whitening cream! You know where we would look for self tanner...they have whitening cream. The whiter you are the higher your class and the more beautiful you are. So sad, b/c we all can't get over how beautiful and tan they are.) Oh and dad thanks for all the bug spray...we will use it all and the bug relief stick is in high demand...Brynn's bug bites are the size of silver $$.

8. Housing...Ok so one thing I love about Thailand is that there aren't "bad" parts of down exactly. Its all mixed in which gives it a much safer feeling. There will be a beautiful sky scrapper apt building and right against it are scrap metal houses. There will be a nice shopping center and right in front of it people have stands selling chicken. There are luxury cars driving next to rusted old work trucks. It is so beautiful. They live life together.

9. Everything is soooo Cheap...The average meal costs the team 250 Baht. That equals a little over $7...That covers our entire team! There are 7 of us! That means that each of our meals is about $1. Its crazy!!! And a 2L bottle of water is like 25 cents. Its crazy. And the food is AMAZING and the portions are perfect and normal.

10. Peppers. OK so Bik, who was our tour guide in Bangkok is from the south and said that all he has eaten is spicy food since he was born...so remember he has a crazy spicy tolerance. So he takes us to dinner at the market and orders a bunch of dishes for us to try. He says one is on the spicy side. I'm eating it and go to take my last bite of it and pick up what appears to be a red and green pepper. I think to myself, I shouldn't eat this, but naturally put it in my mouth. I'm chewing and swallow and think that wasn't bad. About 2 secs later I can feel this heat rising in my mouth...OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG my tongue had knives stabbing it. I almost died. I was shaking and crying and laughing and screaming all at the same time. I was chugging water and eating ice cream and nothing would make it stop! Apparently the smaller the pepper the hotter it is well I had not 1 pepper but 2, 1 inch long peppers. It burned for at least 20mins. I had to suck on ice cubes to keep it numb the entire rest of the meal. Then Bik who was dying laughing informed me they were for decoration not eating...who puts decoration in a sauce? He then jokingly ate one to make me feel better, but chewed it twice and spit it out! Now if he can't eat it who can? Well me apparently. Don't worry I'm alive, just a few taste buds and brain cells short.

OK so much for that summery. You are probably wondering, isn't she on a mission trip? Where is all the ministry she's doing? Well we start tomorrow when our translator gets here :) These last few days were spent learning about the culture and praying and team bonding. So the next blog post will probably be more ministry focused. Don't worry donors you didn't pay for a vacation! ;) Also I'll tell you about fisherman pants next time too.

Oh one more thing...You know how I'm short and well my feet don't touch the ground...imagine flying for over 17 hrs with your feet dangling...OMG my Kankles are insane!!! My feet and ankles were so fat that I couldn't even put my TOMS back on. They've gone down a bit but are still fatty. After the bus ride they were so bad again I couldn't get my Chacos on...Thank goodness for adjustable straps...

OK so my nicknames so far are lil pepper, lil flasher (oh I walked all over Bangkok with my skirt caught up in my backpack...not once, but twice...thank goodness for spandex shorts.), lil kankles/lil fatty foot, and more to come I'm sure...

Ok well we are off to the market for Lunch! Oh one more thing...I get up by 7am every morning! Can you believe it? I was the first one up this morning!!! Love you all and miss you dearly!

Love from Thailand! xx
Lil Blogger

The Beauty of the Cross

This song spoke to my heart on Sunday. I really realized how unworthy I am of God's love. I can't ever compare to His beauty, but he still chooses to Love me, and not just Love me, but LOVE me. Like let his son be killed b/c He loved me. Who does that? Who am I to deserve that Love? I am messed up and ugly, but he brings the beauty to my life. He is so beautiful. And he loves me!!! Me! and you! Pretty awesome right? We aren't deserving. We might think we are pretty great, but you put us next to Him and we are ugly...ugly... We are so unworthy, but still He loves us. And really loves us. He Loves all those insecurities we have about ourselves; He loves it all. His opinion is the only one that matters. Let's not take for granted the Joy we have that someone so mighty and beautiful loves us, all of us, all the good parts-the bad parts-the ugly parts. Let's not forget His majesty that we stand in front of. Let's not forget what He did for us. Let's not forget How unworthy we are. But let us also not forget that we have been redeemed by Him, that we have been made beautiful before Him, that His grace takes us just as we are, that we have freedom in Him, that He has rescued our souls. So give Him the glory. Don't take credit for your life. Nothing is yours. You earned nothing. Everything is a gift. You couldn't breath without Him. You couldn't find means for food, clothing, a car, a house, a family, without Him. None of this life is ours. We sometimes forget where the credit is due. Always return things back to praise. Humbling right?

Here are the Lyrics to the song The Beauty of the Cross by Jeff Johnson:


At the cross I find the beauty of the your matchless grace

At the cross I see a King who died to take my place

Its the moment that you made me clean and pardoned my soul

Amazing grace that I would be alive unto Your throne

Not by my own will but solely by Your will alone

I'm unworthy of this love you are showing to me

I see my desperate need


The beauty of the cross is that there's one who has redeemed my soul

The beauty of the cross is that I'm finally free and letting go

The beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am

Verse 2:

Not by my own words that I may boast or I may come

But simply through your Son the sinless and Exalted One

Only through the cross am I made clean to draw near to you

Saved so that you would receive all glory due Your name

Everlasting God from age to age you never change

A true love story remains for all eternity

That all the world would see


The beauty of the cross is that there's one who has redeemed my soul

The beauty of the cross is that I'm finally free and letting go

The beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am


My sinful soul could only be

redeemed by the blood of a sineless King

So you came to the world that You had made

Conquered sin on the cross and you rose from the grave


The beauty of the cross is that there's one who has redeemed my soul

The beauty of the cross is that I'm finally free and letting go

The beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am



Intense right?!
<3 Kitty

God's Childlike Poetry...aka God talking to me on my level...

So the week before last was one of those weeks where your head is filled with doubt and you look in the mirror and think, why am I doing this? You know everything going through your head is a lie, but you can't seem to stop them. So the Monday in Staff Prayer our time was spent journaling and dialoging with God. Most people I think would write a situation and and work through it with God. Mine, came out as a 7th grade poem. I couldn't stop writing it just flowed... When I finished I looked back and was amazed at what had come out. Every lie in my head, was challenged and God discredited. After I was done I felt a since of freedom. My heart felt so light and next time I looked in the mirror, I knew why I was here. So here is my cheesy but heart changing poem...

It's called "God...let's dialog" (so we did)

My heart is filled with doubt oh Lord
Why don't I trust you?
My heart is found not in you
but in non lasting places

Immediate gratification must be broken
My heart must be open
Those things I love need to be put to rest
My body and soul re-broken

Only I can put you back together
Only I can make you whole
I take time because I care
my love will always overflow

You say you cannot hear me
You say you cannot feel me
But when do you listen
when do you stop
when do you ask

You say you are tired
but you don't ask for rest
You say I'm not here
But you never come.

You say you feel fake
But you have met me
Come meet me again
But stay for longer
Stay for always
Stay for forever

Stop trying to do it on your own
I will fill you hearts desires
I will go grocery shopping
I will sew
I will be there
What if you just invited me?

You are never alone
so stop depending on people
I'll take the critics and the looks
I'll show them one day that I
Always loved them and never left them

Love.
What is love
Who is and has love
I AM, I do
let me love you

Let me calm your soul
Let me lift your eyes
When you don't have enough
Strength to do it yourself

Stop being me
Stop being God
Only I can be God, not you
You don't need the responsibility
You can't take the pressure

I want you to live life
Intentional, but care free
Stop trying to be perfect
Let me do that and you just be you
Just be you.

You, Kat, be you.
Be Kat, be Katherine, be Kate
I will be God
I just need you to be you.
Just you.
Because I will use you, not someone else
You try to be
I choose to use you
My child, my princess, my creation
You.

The Crazy thing was He used all of these throughout my week. It was awesome. I would highly recommend journaling with God when you have some time. Actually make time. It's great b/c all those thoughts get written down and are tangible so you can reread them and be reminded of God's goodness and greatness in your life. Also it is a way to organize your thoughts and frustrations as well as to seek counsel on pressing issues filling your thoughts.

Night Night everyone.

More later xx
-KL

Sabbath

So today is suppose to be my Sabbath. I'm not going to lie...its not as easy as it seems. I've never taken time for a Sabbath in my life. A day with just God and I and limited interaction with others. I need to lock my computer and phone up somewhere...they become more of a distraction than people.

Last night at mid-night we launched the 24-hr prayer room on WSU. I got there to set up at around 10:30 and then stayed till 1:30 The last hour I spent in the prayer room praying. As I was driving home I thought to myself, "wow what an awesome way to start my sabbath." I got home and knew I needed to sleep but I some how convinced myself it was a good idea to watch a show on Hulu first...not a good idea. So I didn't go to bed till after 3am! Not smart. Then I woke up around 10:30 with a massive head ache...I think it is the worst migraine I've ever had. I couldn't even open my eyes. So I didn't get out of bed till 1:30! All day I've had the head ache. I took meds, drank water, everything, but nothing is taking it away. I thought to myself, I'm not going to let the rest of this Sabbath be ruined. I I tried to read a chapter of a book, but it was so painful. So I just laid in bed. I checked facebook, my email, and a bunch of other time wasters. Then I just felt lazy and exhausted. See a Sabbath isn't just a day to "rest" it is a day to rest in Christ. All these activities I was doing weren't really resting. Yes, my body is rested, but my heart isn't, my mind isn't, my spirit isn't. How am I suppose to pour into people the 6 other days of the week if I only let facebook and email pour into me, not God? Pastor Keith said this Sunday, Jesus is always better. I'm trying to teach myself that. Today as I laid in bed I should have prayed. My headache might have gone, my spirit would be more joyous, but no now it is worse from staring at a computer screen and I just feel depleted.

I guess what I'm trying to say is. I don't have everything figured out. I still struggle keeping up my relationship with God. I need to learn how to spend "quality" time with him before I can effectively invest fully in others. I have no excuse. I have an entire day dedicated to spend with him, not everyone has that luxury in these crazy lives we live. But I have to change my mind set. I have to start with square one. My sister said something quite brilliant the other day (ironically on facebook...), she said, "Learned today that I may have a smile on my face, but I'm a mess inside...." That is such a statement of truth. We make ourselves look so good on the outside, but inside we have no clue what we are doing. God has been speaking to me that I need to change from the inside out...not the outside in. When we try to change from the outside first we don't have time to work on the inside. If we are to work on the inside first the outside will happen naturally.

I feel like i'm starting from scratch. So if you all would pray that I will learn to spiritually discipline myself. That sounds so harsh, I don't like the thought of the word discipline, so I guess I mean that I would learn how to spend my time wisely and with Christ. That it would be a natural relationship that I crave to partake in. Not a time I want to spend but let other distraction easily fill.

My prayer for all of you is, that you find a time to cut out of your schedule to spend with Him. Because Jesus really is always better. Always. Everything else in life will let you down and never fully fulfill you. But Jesus will always lift you and complete you. "Creation was not meant to fulfill what only the creator was meant to provide."-a quite brilliant line by Pastor Keith the other Sunday.

What is the solution to all this? The Gospel, Worship. We worshiped our way into this lifestyle....we need to worship our way out.

I realized I need to make my life a prayer tent. I'm not always going to have to have a place dedicated to prayer. I need to be dedicated to prayer, I need to say no to hulu, facebook, cell phones, etc. It's not that those are bad, its that they have become ultimates in my life. I choose them over Christ. Let's fix this...:)

Happy rest of my Sabbath...now I just need to apply...

Lots of Love,
KL

The Off Button...

So do you know that feeling when someone turns off the radio and all of a sudden a peace just cascades over you? There was so much energy coming from you with all the music and you were completely oblivious. Then it turns off and its like wow...rest. I think we need to do that with God sometimes. We just need to turn life off and rest in Him. It's not like the music or life was a bad thing, it just makes us feel like the energizer bunny. We forget how good it feels for our spirit to just stop for a second and refill/recharge. Then we can turn the music on and resume. If we forget to turn it off occasionally, then I find we get frustrated, stretch ourselves thin, and without realizing it we burn out. Our souls need time with just God and no one else every now and then. We weren't designed to keep going and going and going and going and going....

Today I was meeting with my new Ethos group (my smaller small group...2-3 people). We had been sharing and growing and talking and it was incredible, but then we decided to end and pray. Zanna turned off the radio, and my mind went wooowwaa...it felt so good. As did that prayer. I was so distracted by life, I didn't even realize it had become a constant buzz in my ear and all I needed was for someone to hit off. Let's let God hit our "off" button this week and rest in Him for a bit now and then.

What I learned today from my Ethos group...We need to learn to trust in the nature of God, not the plans of God. We can't trust in what will happen, because we don't know what He is planning to do. We need to trust in who He is and His nature. If we trust in His plans, we are trusting in what we think His plans are (which we don't actually know, so they are our planes, not His). So trust in Him and Him alone. :) Good stuff right? I can't wait till we meet next time.

Well I have a big day tomorrow, so I better be off to bed! I did bike to Pullman and back this morning. It was fabulous. I'm thinking of maybe starting to bike to work...it would solve my parking issue and I would be getting my exercise in! :) That hill up campus is going to kill me though...WSU...built on a hill? Why? Why? JK :)

Lots of Love.
Kat

Swick time....

I'm just running on Swick time as usual, so I know none of you are surprised I haven't written in a bit. Speaking of Swick time...life has decided I am always just going to be the "late" girl. I leave my house at 8:35 to get to Pullman at 9am for my meetings on Mondays and Tuesdays. That gives me 25 minutes to go 7 miles at 55mph and about a mile at 25mph. That should take me what 15 minutes total? That gives me 10 minutes to be early. Then how was I 12 minutes late on Monday?! Oh b/c WSU has decided there is never going to be any parking open behind the K-house and than since I don't have a parking pass I have to park in the Adams Mall parking, oh wait that's full sometimes too so I have to drive to the Pullman Presbyterian Church to park. So by the time I run across campus and come heaving into the meeting I get "that look." The "gosh is Kat always late? I mean this is like the 4 time this week." And then when I was on time on Tuesday, Josh gave me a high five like I had just won the novice on time award. So its inevitable. I'm the "late girl."

Really the underlining issue is parking...WA Parking hates me...UofI parking? Loves me. I drove up to drop stuff off and pulled into a metered spot...10 mins still on the clock. Now Pullman...I finally park in the Presbyterian parking lot and I get back to my car with a note saying that they had had a funeral today and that not everyone could come b/c they didn't have enough parking b/c my car was in the lot...So now Betty Sue didn't get to say one last goodbye to Eleanor her college roommate in 1932, b/c I took her parking spot. Feeling guilty? check.Then on Tuesday I pull into the K-house to see jacob stealing the last spot! Parking is so ruining my reputation...my uber cool points are going way down...not to mention my WSU bitterness has increased.

So I can totally hear people saying well just go earlier...well first off its so not fair b/c I'm the only one living in Moscow so I have to drive twice as far which means I already get 1/2 the sleep time in the am...then when I do decide to come early, for example I leave my house at 8:10, then I get a parking spot, but I then am ridiculously early at 8:25 and once again miss out on 35 minutes of sleep. Its a loose loose situation... I need to see if inception is real and then maybe I can plant the thought in everyone's mind that all Pullman Staff should ride their bikes...

Wow that was a lot of negative energy....glad I got that off my chest....it's probably been there since birth...oh wait I was probably late to that too...

My life? Pretty fabulous. We had Village tonight...25 Freshman again! woohoo! Awesome. We also made 250 PB&J sandwiches afterward. It was quite the party. I had jelly even on my walls! So tomorrow we will hand them out for free on campus from 11-1pm. My favorite is throwing them at bikers as they ride by...they either catch them and ride on and we all think wow he's soooo cool, or they crash.

Today I went looking for a stand alone coat rack at all the thrift shops b/c we need one for service on Sunday. None exist in Moscow. Who would have thought they were in such high demand? I mean don't people have built in coat closets now? I guess someone else discovered my brilliant idea of hanging bags and purses off of them. So if anyone finds one for under $10 that is quirky and old school, let me know I'm looking for a purse hanger. I did find a SUPER cute read suitcase for $3.77 at the Hope Center. It's perfect for a vintage weekend trip. I'm pretty sure it is from the 70s (some may argue 80s). But the tag says it was bought from "Betty's World of Travel- One call does it all" in Lewiston. So naturally Jordan, Jacob, and I called the the number....and the answering machine was not someone's new home line like we thought...Betty still exists...well at least the world of travel, we didn't get to speak to Betty herself, just her answering machine. I also got some earrings to make into hair pieces for 94 cents and one pair 50% off. This is what I call shopping on a budget and buying the necessities

Speaking of 50% off...I bought 28 plates for $3.50 They were originally 4 for a $1...but they were in the Walmart 50% off section...now at Village we can be green (well pink in this case...they were a little limited on color selection in the 50% off section) so Freshman Village now has its own set of cups and plates! Can you image throwing away 25 paper plates and cups every week! Gross!!! By the end of the year that would have to be at least 7 trees...

Wow well that was a usefully way to spend your time. I know how you must feel as if I'm changing lives and God is teaching me all these huge life lessons.... Well if it makes you feel better He is. I just can't process it all yet b/c its all so much and over whelming. Maybe after my days off this week I'll tell you all the incredible things God is doing on the Palouse. As for now you get to hear about my life in between! Feel blessed I didn't complain about the dog poo/pee/garbage strewn by dogs across my house...for another time...

I'll end with the cheesiest joke I've learned this week....its progressed....

Why is God's electricity bill so high? B/c when ever he closes a door he opens a window...

which progressed to...

Why is God's electricity bill so high? Because He's shining His light on you...

which progressed to...

The real reason God's electricity bill is so high is because he lives in a big big house with lots and lots of rooms....

which progressed to...

You would think that His electricity bill would be way cheap since His place is solar powered... (powered by the SON)!!!!!

which progressed to...

b/c He saved you...money last month on your bill b/c he let you have His son...

(I know the last ones the worst...that was my contribution...Alli, Josh, and Drew are much more creative...)

Tomorrow I try to find a ride home to see my sistas and mommeeee for women of faith....pray I find one please...:) xx

Lots of Love,
from one worn out Kitty Kat. xx

God's Art Collection

I was so tired earlier, but now I cant sleep and so I'm laying in bed being taunted by this giant blank canvas sitting on my wall. Its been blank for 2 years. Sometimes I feel like it represents my life. I have so much potential and so many ideas, but they end up not being used and 1/2 finished. I'm tempted to not paint it, b/c I feel it represents the struggle of my life. But then another part of me wants to paint and show who I am capable of being.

I realized I need God to paint it for me. I can do all things, the impossible, because he really does give me strength. I heard someone say the other day (i'm)possible. Cheesy right? But sometimes nerdy sayings say it best. I can change. I can finish my big ideas. I'm possible.

God designed us to be masterpieces and not just to sit blank on the wall. We need to let him paint our story with strong colors, lots of life, unique character, emotion, and a little TLC. We choose if it gets painted. Ask God to help you find and use your talents. We don't want our painting of life to be blank at the end. Let him paint your purpose. Love Him, love people, and love life, but always always bring him glory through it all...let him get the artist credit.

One week down...

Ok so besides the fact that I have stepped in dog pee three times and poo twice in one week, I'm good. Seriously, there is a reason I never liked dogs that weren't mine. I guess it doesn't seem as bad when you step in your own dog's? hmmmm anyway.

So I know Andrew is the better cousin, b/c he faithfully writes on his blog, but what can I say, the Duddlesten's always were trying to be the over achievers of the family. So sorry this is a week late. Let me catch you up....

Sooooooooo last Sunday....was AWESOME! Moscow had their biggest crowd ever...130! It was so cool to see everyone so excited to be back and excited to be part of resonate.

Monday we were on campus handing out snacks. Which seems simple enough except that all the fruit snacks melted b/c the flyers are black and apparently that attracts heat...so we handed out one giant fruit snack instead of mini ones...I mean they all end up that way in your stomach anyways right? yummmm...actually I taste tested it, and as long as you could get all the plastic peeled off they were pretty appetizing and fruity.

Tuesday we were on campus again, but this time prepared with Nabisco non meltable snacks instead, but the problem we faced was that everyone wants the fruit snacks and granola bars b/c they think they are healthy....no one would take the Oreos! Who doesn't want oreos as a nice after morning snack? It was like London reversed except they all would have taken the bananas over the choc. muffins. So strange.... Anyways, I am learning lots of strategic techniques. For example If you ask someone if they would like a snack they are more likely to turn you down than if you are more specific and name the type of snack. Also if one person says no, then every single person behind them says no, but if one says yes, they all say yes. What sane college student wouldn't want free snacks?! Idaho has some issues...lol

Tuesday Evening we had a bbq...we thought about 30 ppl would show up. We didn't advertise very well and Jacob made a fb group the morning of and only about 26 people said they would be coming....well we get to the sprint turf and football practice is just getting over (ps AJ you think you have it bad...U of I football players only get 3 weeks off all year...they have to practice all summer and last year b/c they went to a bowl game...they didn't even get Christmas off) and at the end of the field is a group of four players praying. It was pretty awesome. SO we talked to them after and invited them to the BBQ. We ended up feeding about 25 players and hung out with them for a while. It was fun to talk and see how they were feeling about the season. All pretty legit guys too; I was impressed. Anyways...then people started to show up...and more people...and more people....after several trips to the store we ended having a bbq for 90. Over 90 actually. It was INSANE! But so much fun. We hung out, ate, and those that find sports appealing played ultimate frisbee and soccer. I told all the football players I'd give them the great honor of being on my team....

Wednesday, we took the day off campus, which was greatly needed. We were worn out after the bbq, and we had been having like 12 hour days for the past four/five days. Then Wednesday night was our first freshman Village! So I was thinking maybe 5 or so would show up...no 15 did, so 19 total with leaders. God just keeps blowing up all my expectations. It was sooooooo fun. We did a giant scavenger hunt with pictures around campus and then ate pizza. It turned out everyone got their own pizza, b/c the Theta Chi guys that came had to leave for their pledge ceremony and their were like 10 of them. So Jacob showed up with the pizza and had brought the extra from Pullman as well....so we all had one to ourselves....lol But overall it was awesome. Jordan is my co-leader and at first I was a little nervous...(I only typed that b/c I know he's probably going to read this...I actually wasn't nervous at all...well a little just b/c we are both crazy and I didn't know if we'd be too much crazy....but then I had to remind myself these are freshman we are dealing with....) It was nice to have him there...he just makes any awkwardness, not seem awkward. It's really great actually, b/c I tend to create awkwardness.

Thursday we were back on campus. NutterButters seemed to be the Oreo of the day....rejected. Poor NutterButters. Then I went to Pullman for the Creative team meeting where I got to listen and hear about the upcoming sermon series called Illusions...aka Modern Idolatry. Drew, the Illusionist/Pastor is doing a different magic trick every week. It's pretty nifty. Then I was assigned painting these giant Prayer signs...8'x4'....x2.... it took me till 7 pm Thursday and then from 1-9pm on friday...but I enjoy that kind of stuff so it was nice actually to have a break from everything and just go have some alone time and paint. There was a little glitch....called JOsh bought Oil based paint...and I didn't realize till after I tried to clean the paint roller....so I was covered in black paint all week/still am... It was quite inconvenient b/c my hands were sticky all day so I couldn't touch anything, but I couldn't get it off either... So at the WSU BBQ on Thrus. night, I'd have to shake people's hand and say...I promise their clean...I've washed them like 7x in the last hour I promise...they are probably cleaner than yours.

Friday, back on campus and then I went to Pullman to finish the signs. Then crashed....

Saturday...I attempted to sleep in. The problem with not having a room and sleeping on the couch is that you can't technically get mad at your roommate for blending ice at 7am, b/c technically they are in the kitchen which just happens to be right next to your bed. Or you can't get mad at your other roommate for squishing plastic bags so they can make their lunch at 8am. Or your other roommate for talking to their mom at 9. Aka over sleeping hasn't been an issue...which for me, is probably for the best. Then I had a meeting to prep for the Amazing Race-Moscow. Then at 4pm the Amazing Race began! It was sooooooo fun. I was kind of bummed more ppl didn't do it, but I think people were worn out from classes and such. Jacob and I were in charge of the So you think you can dance challenge station. It was quite hilarious bc all of the guy teams chose us over the drawing station. They had three videos to choose from and they all picked 3 which happened to be "single ladies" OMG OMG OMG I wish I knew how to work the video on my lab top. SO FUNNY. I'm pretty sure some of these guys could have been in the real video. They got so into it. My favorite was this guy that turns to me and says, "So I'll confess I might have seen this video multiply times..." and then he just busts the dance out... It was great. After the race Jordan convinced me to suck helium....that's always a good idea. well I'll posted the video soon....

Today....170 people at church! What? Yes! Crazy!! And 270 at Pullman making it Resonates biggest weekend ever in the history of Resonate...440 total. WOW! I don't know how we fit everyone...but I picked some girls up late and we almost didn't find a seat. God is good. Then I saw some girls from my freshman Village which was great b/c they are adorable and I'm pretty sure we are all going to be bffs...I mean we are already fb friends...bff is totally the next step :)

Well tomorrow I have prayer at noon and then All Staff meeting after, but hopefully this week will get mellower. I do have a room now! And a house key! No more climbing in the window when I get locked out, so exciting! I also have a faucet handle on my shower now so we don't have to use the pliers anymore to turn it on....it's like Christmas came early. I got all my clothes unpacked and finally had access to my full closet for the first time in weeks as well...it was fabulous. Well unfortunately I didn't get to take a pic of my super cute outfit today (which it was b/c I was extra inspired b/c I could wear anything I wanted not just something out of a suitcase) so instead I'll show you a pic of my closet all set up and ready to style....:)



Sorry this is so long...but so much has happened! God is awesome and we continue to pray big prayers and He continues to answer. :) I love interning and know this is exactly where God wanted me. :)

lots of love,
KL