God's Childlike Poetry...aka God talking to me on my level...

So the week before last was one of those weeks where your head is filled with doubt and you look in the mirror and think, why am I doing this? You know everything going through your head is a lie, but you can't seem to stop them. So the Monday in Staff Prayer our time was spent journaling and dialoging with God. Most people I think would write a situation and and work through it with God. Mine, came out as a 7th grade poem. I couldn't stop writing it just flowed... When I finished I looked back and was amazed at what had come out. Every lie in my head, was challenged and God discredited. After I was done I felt a since of freedom. My heart felt so light and next time I looked in the mirror, I knew why I was here. So here is my cheesy but heart changing poem...

It's called "God...let's dialog" (so we did)

My heart is filled with doubt oh Lord
Why don't I trust you?
My heart is found not in you
but in non lasting places

Immediate gratification must be broken
My heart must be open
Those things I love need to be put to rest
My body and soul re-broken

Only I can put you back together
Only I can make you whole
I take time because I care
my love will always overflow

You say you cannot hear me
You say you cannot feel me
But when do you listen
when do you stop
when do you ask

You say you are tired
but you don't ask for rest
You say I'm not here
But you never come.

You say you feel fake
But you have met me
Come meet me again
But stay for longer
Stay for always
Stay for forever

Stop trying to do it on your own
I will fill you hearts desires
I will go grocery shopping
I will sew
I will be there
What if you just invited me?

You are never alone
so stop depending on people
I'll take the critics and the looks
I'll show them one day that I
Always loved them and never left them

Love.
What is love
Who is and has love
I AM, I do
let me love you

Let me calm your soul
Let me lift your eyes
When you don't have enough
Strength to do it yourself

Stop being me
Stop being God
Only I can be God, not you
You don't need the responsibility
You can't take the pressure

I want you to live life
Intentional, but care free
Stop trying to be perfect
Let me do that and you just be you
Just be you.

You, Kat, be you.
Be Kat, be Katherine, be Kate
I will be God
I just need you to be you.
Just you.
Because I will use you, not someone else
You try to be
I choose to use you
My child, my princess, my creation
You.

The Crazy thing was He used all of these throughout my week. It was awesome. I would highly recommend journaling with God when you have some time. Actually make time. It's great b/c all those thoughts get written down and are tangible so you can reread them and be reminded of God's goodness and greatness in your life. Also it is a way to organize your thoughts and frustrations as well as to seek counsel on pressing issues filling your thoughts.

Night Night everyone.

More later xx
-KL

Sabbath

So today is suppose to be my Sabbath. I'm not going to lie...its not as easy as it seems. I've never taken time for a Sabbath in my life. A day with just God and I and limited interaction with others. I need to lock my computer and phone up somewhere...they become more of a distraction than people.

Last night at mid-night we launched the 24-hr prayer room on WSU. I got there to set up at around 10:30 and then stayed till 1:30 The last hour I spent in the prayer room praying. As I was driving home I thought to myself, "wow what an awesome way to start my sabbath." I got home and knew I needed to sleep but I some how convinced myself it was a good idea to watch a show on Hulu first...not a good idea. So I didn't go to bed till after 3am! Not smart. Then I woke up around 10:30 with a massive head ache...I think it is the worst migraine I've ever had. I couldn't even open my eyes. So I didn't get out of bed till 1:30! All day I've had the head ache. I took meds, drank water, everything, but nothing is taking it away. I thought to myself, I'm not going to let the rest of this Sabbath be ruined. I I tried to read a chapter of a book, but it was so painful. So I just laid in bed. I checked facebook, my email, and a bunch of other time wasters. Then I just felt lazy and exhausted. See a Sabbath isn't just a day to "rest" it is a day to rest in Christ. All these activities I was doing weren't really resting. Yes, my body is rested, but my heart isn't, my mind isn't, my spirit isn't. How am I suppose to pour into people the 6 other days of the week if I only let facebook and email pour into me, not God? Pastor Keith said this Sunday, Jesus is always better. I'm trying to teach myself that. Today as I laid in bed I should have prayed. My headache might have gone, my spirit would be more joyous, but no now it is worse from staring at a computer screen and I just feel depleted.

I guess what I'm trying to say is. I don't have everything figured out. I still struggle keeping up my relationship with God. I need to learn how to spend "quality" time with him before I can effectively invest fully in others. I have no excuse. I have an entire day dedicated to spend with him, not everyone has that luxury in these crazy lives we live. But I have to change my mind set. I have to start with square one. My sister said something quite brilliant the other day (ironically on facebook...), she said, "Learned today that I may have a smile on my face, but I'm a mess inside...." That is such a statement of truth. We make ourselves look so good on the outside, but inside we have no clue what we are doing. God has been speaking to me that I need to change from the inside out...not the outside in. When we try to change from the outside first we don't have time to work on the inside. If we are to work on the inside first the outside will happen naturally.

I feel like i'm starting from scratch. So if you all would pray that I will learn to spiritually discipline myself. That sounds so harsh, I don't like the thought of the word discipline, so I guess I mean that I would learn how to spend my time wisely and with Christ. That it would be a natural relationship that I crave to partake in. Not a time I want to spend but let other distraction easily fill.

My prayer for all of you is, that you find a time to cut out of your schedule to spend with Him. Because Jesus really is always better. Always. Everything else in life will let you down and never fully fulfill you. But Jesus will always lift you and complete you. "Creation was not meant to fulfill what only the creator was meant to provide."-a quite brilliant line by Pastor Keith the other Sunday.

What is the solution to all this? The Gospel, Worship. We worshiped our way into this lifestyle....we need to worship our way out.

I realized I need to make my life a prayer tent. I'm not always going to have to have a place dedicated to prayer. I need to be dedicated to prayer, I need to say no to hulu, facebook, cell phones, etc. It's not that those are bad, its that they have become ultimates in my life. I choose them over Christ. Let's fix this...:)

Happy rest of my Sabbath...now I just need to apply...

Lots of Love,
KL